Have you ever found yourself snapping at your partner over something really small and insignificant? And then later on you’re unsure as to why you were even mad at all? Don’t worry, you’re not a b*tch and you’re certainly not alone! The truth is, the reason you’re getting upset at your partner probably has a lot more to do with yourself than it does with them.
A lot of the time, when we find ourselves frustrated with others, it’s usually because we’re really upset with ourselves about something. This happens a lot in relationships. So how do we stop taking out our own insecurities on our partner? Self-reflection.
Self-reflection is the process of bringing your attention to what’s happening in your life in a mindful and open way. It’s about creating self-awareness and taking the time to understand what’s going on within us.
Self-reflection is one of the best ways to help shift your mindset. It’s so important for our mental health and wellbeing, and can increase positivity in our lives, as well as deepening the connection not only with yourself but with your loved ones.
Self-reflecting is the key to realizing that you are responsible for your own happiness: Your partner is not.
Here’s why self-reflection is important in your relationship:
Increases your awareness of your emotions and intentions
You need to know where you’re going and where you’re at right now. Self-reflection is such an eye-opener when it comes to fully understanding your emotions, values, goals and strengths. You can learn so much about yourself simply by reflecting on where you’re at right now - are you happy? Are you sad? Are you the best version of yourself? Looking inwards can help you discover - and get to - where you want to be. Having awareness of your OWN emotions is so important in a relationship. You are there to support each other, but you are not there to push your problems onto one another. You can be supported so much better when you know what is going on with yourself first and can communicate that to your partner, and vice versa.
When we keep thinking the same thoughts over and over without taking action, our problems can spiral out of control and seem bigger than they really are. By taking some time to reflect on yourself and on your relationship, you’ll more than likely find that you already have the answers you’ve been seeking. We all have fear but the best way to not let fear run your relationship is to spend time thinking about and recognizing the fear. Once you identify the fear, you can discuss how it might be playing a role in your relationship with your partner.
To clarify thoughts
We keep so many thoughts and feelings floating around in our head. Often, we end up confusing or frustrating ourselves even more. This is where pen and paper can massively help reduce any stress or feelings of frustration. Get your thoughts on paper and you’ll begin to understand why you’re feeling a certain way as well as a way to make those feelings a little easier to navigate.
Challenges your inner voice
You hold such immense power in your mind. Is what you say to yourself positive, or negative? Self-reflection offers you the opportunity to challenge your thinking and how you talk to yourself and how you talk to your partner. Take the time and write these thoughts down, then, ask yourself if you really believe them. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones. You’ll realise that the things you tell yourself about yourself or your partner are not always true. Gratitude is a great way to shift negative thoughts into positive ones. Take time to think about all the things that are going right, all that you have accomplished as a couple, and the characteristics you really appreciate about each other. It’s a lot more difficult to be moody when you’re thinking about how blessed you are.
Getting started with self-reflection:
Now that you understand how important self-reflection is for growth, why not get started right now? Find somewhere you can be alone that is quiet and unlikely to be interrupted. Grab your journal, gratitude planner, pen and paper, or whatever you like to write on. Ask yourself how you’re feeling, what is on your mind right now, and if you’re where you’d like to be. Write down any thoughts and emotions you’re feeling. Keep this somewhere safe and close by. Repeat this process daily.
Remember, your relationship starts with you. When you are becoming your best self, your love flourishes too. The power to create the love relationship that you desire is in your hands.
When you start to self-evaluate on a regular basis, you will begin to see which areas you can improve. By doing this, you can understand your current relationship even better. It also can make you more appreciative of your partner.
I hope this has encouraged you to add more time for self-reflection into your life. And, remember, it’s important for your partner to partake in self-reflection, too. In order to grow stronger together, you both need to look within first. It is a form of personal analysis that allows you to bring your life into alignment with what you wish it to be.
I did a podcast episode for Flourish & Fulfilled all about relationships and I chat with relationship facilitator/coach, Brad Fennell to discuss the number 1 issue that couples have, how to keep a healthy balance, communication and how important dreaming is to a relationship.
Are you self-reflecting in your relationship? Let me know below!